3 Dreams to a Better World

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Daohe · Jan 13, 2025
Everyone has their own unique dream for a better world. My dream, however, is to make more people happy. This is not only my pursuit but also my belief — that happiness can be the ultimate destination for everyone, and that human kindness, the connections between people, and collective action can change the temperature of […]

Everyone has their own unique dream for a better world. My dream, however, is to make more people happy. This is not only my pursuit but also my belief — that happiness can be the ultimate destination for everyone, and that human kindness, the connections between people, and collective action can change the temperature of this world. This is why I confounded Yicheng Commonweal, and through this journey, I have come to realize that the essence of charity is not only in giving but also in co-building the bridges and bonds of happiness.

For a better world, happiness lies in dreams, hopes, and connections

When I was a child, I believed that happiness was a deeply personal feeling—something shaped by small hopes and dreams, like having a fulfilling job, a loving home, or the chance to travel the world. But over time, I came to realize that what seems like simple desires to some are distant and unreachable dreams for many others across the world. In fact, in faraway places, there are countless others living in extreme hardship and turmoil.

I used to feel powerless, lost, and overwhelmed by this realization. But as I began my work in Yicheng Commonweal, I realized that happiness is not just a personal feeling—but a hope, a force that can grow and spread. It is not merely an individual experience, but a connection between people. It’s one dream inspiring another, and many hands working together to create something far bigger than any one person could achieve alone.

It is this very faith that led me to establish Yicheng Commonweal. Our dream is for everyone to attain well-being and happiness, even though many dismiss it as unrealistic and scoff at the idea. Indeed, the bigger the dream, the greater the support and resources required. But history will bear witness that the shared human desire for happiness will overcome all obstacles and turn this vision into a reality.

Whether it’s the expansion of education, the improvement of living standards, or the nurturing of the spirit, happiness is not as distant as it may seem. As long as there are people committed to making it happen, it can spread like a gentle spring breeze into every corner. Yicheng Commonweal is not just a NGO with a mission, but represents a collective pursuit of happiness for a better world. This belief reinforces my conviction that building such an organization is not only the right choice, but also the most effective way to make dreams come true.

My dream: making happiness accessible to everyone for a better world

Even though Yicheng Commonweal is still in its early stages, I have already come to realize that happiness isn’t some abstract idea—it is something that can be shaped and shared.

I once had a conversation with a 16-year-old volunteer who shared her dream with me. She was working hard to learn a foreign language with the goal of studying abroad, and she had been tirelessly working to save money so she could eventually create a language learning center in her hometown. Although she was already on the path to making her dream a reality, she often found herself overwhelmed with self-doubt and anxiety about whether her dreams would ever come true.

I told her earnestly that her future held limitless potential, and that all she needed to do was keep trying. I also introduced her to some resources that could help her overcome the challenges she was facing at that moment. She was deeply moved and said that, aside from her parents, no one had ever encouraged or supported her like that. She couldn’t believe that there were such kind people in the world.

She said that she hoped to become someone like me someday and help more people in the future and make a better world.

At that moment, I was taken aback, because I suddenly realized that the possibility of happiness doesn’t lie in making a big change or having vast material resources and power. It lies in taking real action to make someone feel that they are not alone—that there are people who care about their existence and genuinely love them. At the same time, I made a quiet vow to transform this love into the power of public welfare, to help more people and give everyone the chance to realize their dreams and find happiness for a better world.

This experience also taught me an important lesson: charity is not just about one-way giving. It is about the connection of souls between people. Many people hesitate to care for others and the world, not because they lack the ability, but because they don’t believe that such a great love exists in the world. Once they have a personal experience and encounter it for themselves, they are impressed, and they become more willing to embrace the world and release their own love and kindness.

Therefore, each action is a crucial step toward happiness. With each attempt and effort, we unlock more possibilities for happiness and gather the strength of more people to make it a reality. When we light up someone else’s hope, we also gain a clearer understanding of the true meaning of happiness.

A dream is a commitment to make our planet a better world to coexist

The experiences in Yicheng Commonweal has taught me that happiness is not something to wait for, but something that must be created together. This creation is not about one-sided giving, but about transforming goodwill into a lasting force, making each person a builder of happiness.

The philosophy of Yicheng Commonweal embodies this very idea. Through the promotion of education, the inheritance of culture, and the guidance of faith, we are not just helping others solve immediate problems. We are building a bridge for them to reach happiness to create a better world. This approach of “teaching people to fish” has shown me that true philanthropy is not about one-time charity, but about planting the seeds of happiness deeply in every person’s heart, enabling them to sow and harvest for themselves.

For me, this is also a promise—a promise to dedicate my time and actions to protect the possibility of happiness for a better world, a promise to ensure that every act of kindness gathers into a force capable of changing destinies, and a promise that, come what may, I will persist on this path, never turning back.

The end of my dream: a world of collective happiness creates a better world

I really love the image of “flying.”

Humanity’s obsession with flying gave birth to the invention of airplanes. Without the yearning for the skies or the dream of soaring through the heavens, none of this would have been possible.

The journey to realizing a dream is much like flying.

The journey toward fulfilling dreams is never without its challenges. In my pursuit of welfare ideal, there were moments when I felt exhausted and powerless, times when I doubted whether my efforts would truly bring about change.

But each time, it is these experiences that reaffirm my belief: the true destination of flight is never personal glory, but a better world of happiness meant for all of humanity.

What Yicheng Commonweal does is not just helping individuals solve their immediate problems. It is about building a society with greater well-being. Through education, we change the future of a child; through economics, we help people grow in material wealth; through care, we bring warmth to lonely souls; and through collective effort, we ensure that everyone can feel the dignity and meaning of life.

This is not only my dream, but also the shared pursuit of every person involved in philanthropy.

Conclusion

I always fly with my dream. The significance of this dream goes far beyond personal ambition. It is a belief rooted in the world and in the happiness of every life. Through Yicheng Commonweal, I have discovered the way to turn this dream into reality, and I have come to understand the true purpose of philanthropy. It is not about being a “giver,” but about being a co-builder and co-creator of happiness for a better world.

No matter how many challenges lie ahead, I will continue to soar with this dream. Because I know that this is not only my personal mission to make a better world, but also a commitment to the world and to everyone who walks this path with me. Happiness is our shared destination, and flying is the way we reach it.

Let’s gather in action, my friends. I am Daohe, the cofounder of Yicheng Commonweal!

 

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当慈悲变成诱导:从“剃度为福”谈信仰被异化

Daohe · Apr 2, 2025

在当今这个日益冷漠且功利色彩浓厚的社会中,人际关系正逐渐趋向表面化、物质化和工具化。这种情感疏离不仅影响着公共生活,也渗透到了更私人、更深层的情感领域。尤其在男女关系中,曾经建立在情感共鸣之上的联结,如今更多地受到现实利益的考量。 一、冷漠社会中的女性困境 在当代社会的结构中,女性承受着双重的边缘化:一方面是物质和资本的结构性压迫,另一方面是情感与精神世界的普遍缺席。 今天的社交文化越来越倾向于以“外貌”“身材”“财富”“资源”等符号来定义人际吸引力。在这样的环境下,一个女孩如果缺乏经济实力,往往难以在社交中获得认可;如果不符合主流审美标准,也可能被忽视。OnlyFans的兴起正是这一现象的极端体现——在这个平台上,女性的价值被高度商品化,并与外貌和身材直接挂钩,进一步加深了社会对女性吸引力的单一评价体系。 这种现象不仅是个别人的困境,更反映了整个社会价值观的失衡。 更为隐蔽却严重的是,女性对于关系、情感、温暖与理解的心理需求,常常被误读为“软弱”或“依赖”。而实际上,这些需求并非软弱或依赖,而是源于女性长期以来在社会中承担的情感联结角色。这种倾向在文明发展过程中逐渐深化,成为女性心理需求的一部分。 而现实中,社会却缺乏能够满足这种情感需求的健康、正向、富有温度的交往圈层。我们几乎没有真正为女性提供稳定而有意义的社群空间。 因此,许多女性在情感上受伤、在关系中迷失之后,开始向内寻找出口。她们渴望温暖、渴望精神支撑。于是,信仰进入了她们的生命视野。 二、信仰成为避难所,还是新的枷锁? 在这种心灵的呼唤中,佛门敞开了怀抱。宁静、慈悲、远离世俗的表象成为受伤灵魂的“乌托邦”式寄托。 但问题也随之而来。信仰本该是自主觉醒之后的深度选择,而非外部压迫、情感逃避下的被动投奔。更令人警觉的是,一些宗教群体中的个别人——打着“方便法”的旗号,刻意诱导女性走上出家之路。 她们被灌输“入佛门是最大的福报”,“今生有缘剃度乃是累世修来的果”,甚至被塑造成“世间太苦,不如出离”的逃避论述。 而实际上,这种看似慈悲的语言,却在断送一个女性的正常人生权利。她可能原本只是暂时失望于人世、渴望情感的港湾,却在一时迷惘中被推入一种不可逆的命运轨道——削发、脱离人间、切断亲缘、隔绝人性。 三、“方便法”还是精神洗脑? “方便法”如果脱离了慈悲与正见,便不再是佛法,而是掩盖在宗教话语下的控制与误导。 一些法师打着“普度众生”的旗号,实则将情感困境中的女性作为“功德对象”,以增长自己的“弟子数量”,换取声望、资源,甚至个人满足。 这种行为不仅违背了佛陀最初的慈悲精神,也在用宗教手段剥夺女性的主体性和选择权。 人间的幸福,不该被“修行”所替代;信仰的庄严,也不该成为人性逃避的托词。 若一个人是在情感伤痛中被引导出家,她的出发点本就是“苦”,而不是“愿”。 在这样的基础上修行,即便形式上入了戒门,也不过是精神的延迟崩溃。她们看似进入了“清净地”,实则只是另一个形式的禁锢。 四、情无道,何谈得道? 情若无道,信仰即成为抽象的口号。所谓“得道”,不是远离人间,而是在人间中锤炼慈悲与智慧——帮助一个人重新找回爱人的能力,重建信任与理解,而非用一套玄之又玄的术语遮蔽人性之痛、掩盖现实中的孤独与创伤。 许多女性,在亲密关系中受到冷落、背叛、忽视之后,带着内心尚未处理完的伤口投奔宗教,渴望在“出离”中获得平静,实则只是将情感问题延期,而非解决。 她们在佛门中寻求慈悲,寻求理解,然而却往往被一些“方便法”引向剃度的道路。此时,所谓的“慈悲”,若没有建立在对个体痛苦的真正洞察上,便极易演变为一种利用。 情感的修行,是最接近真实人性的修行。它既柔软又艰难,它需要我们承认自己的渴望,也需要我们学会处理失落,学会在“不被爱”的时候依然相信爱,而非一味否定爱、逃避爱、宣称“爱是苦”的偏激断论。 没有经历过真实情感交往的挣扎与成长,就谈不上对“无欲”“慈悲”“空性”的真正理解。否则,那不过是一种脱离现实的想象哲学。 人不是在否定情感中得道,而是在超越情感的混乱中升起智慧。这是一种穿越火焰后的温柔,一种直面生命本质之后的通达,而非未曾涉水便自称彼岸。 五、信仰不能成为替代幸福的“宿命幻术” 当一个社会无法提供温暖有力的人际连接与情感支持,宗教就会被动地承担起“精神避难所”的角色。然而,真正的问题在于: 我们究竟是引导人去追求圆满人生,还是告诉他们,幸福本就不该属于他们? 一些出家团体、法师,在面向受伤女性时,反复强调“人生本苦”、“情欲是苦海”、“男女情爱是孽缘”、“剃度为尼是最大福报”,等等。 这些说法在特定的佛教语境中或许有其教义逻辑,但当它被简单、反复地灌输给情感受创者时,其作用更像是一种宿命幻术——一种让人放弃努力与希望、接受无爱人生、将痛苦合理化的心理麻药。 这类幻术有两个危险后果: 一是自我否定。她们将自己在情感中的失败归结为“前世业障”“今生因果”,从而放弃对现世幸福的追求。久而久之,整个人的生命热度会逐渐熄灭,活在“淡泊”的外壳中,却日渐失去生命的鲜活。 二是精神依附。由于未经过真实的情感疗愈与修复,这类剃度者在出家后极易对某些师父、教团产生深度依赖,将其作为“唯一情感归属”,甚至形成类家庭结构的精神投射。这种依赖很容易滋生权力滥用、控制甚至心理操纵,使原本是“慈悲”的佛门变质为“精神牢笼”。 六、历史中的女性出家:选择,还是被选择? 回顾历史,在中国传统文化中,女性的出家常常不完全是“宗教觉悟”的结果,而更多是社会压力、家庭结构或个人情感创伤的结果。在封建时代,女子若遭逢家庭破碎、婚姻不幸、亲人离世,往往无处可去,出家成了少数可行的归宿。 历史上的很多比丘尼,并非真正“看破红尘”,而是“被红尘所伤”。从宋元以来的地方志与碑铭记录中,我们不难发现,许多女性在年轻时被送入寺庙,“代父母偿愿”“逃避婚姻暴力”“弥补家族阴德”“避乱图安”等等,都是出家的背后动因。这些表面是“清修”,实则往往是被动命运的屈从。 而到了现代社会,虽然女性拥有了更多选择权,但在遭遇情感创伤时,某些心理机制依然促使她们寻求“终极庇护”。 信仰成为一扇打开的门,然而若这扇门的后面不是引领光明的教义,而是人为的操控、误导与利用,那无疑是将一个人从世俗的火坑推进了精神的深渊。 七、制度冷漠与文化真空:信仰异化的温床 当今社会的制度结构,在极大程度上忽视了个体精神生活的需求。现代城市节奏快、情感断裂多、社区功能薄弱、心理支持系统缺失,所有这些,造就了一个极度孤独的现代人。 特别是女性,在承担家庭、工作、社会期待等多重压力后,往往在遭遇挫败时比男性更缺乏可以倾诉与修复的空间。 而文化层面,又缺乏真正具有内在力量的、非宗教化的人文关怀体系。 现代教育强调技能,却忽视情感教育;媒体鼓吹消费,却不提供情绪价值;人际交往日益平台化,却日渐空心化。 在这样的文化真空中,宗教成了“最后的庇护所”。尤其是佛教因其“清净”“慈悲”的表象,成为很多女性渴望安全与净化的象征。 但当宗教本身被异化为社会创伤的补丁,它的灵性就会迅速沦为“精神消费”,甚至是某些“宗教职业人”操控人心的工具。 八、慈悲不能违背人性幸福 真正的宗教伦理,应以“尊重个体自由”为前提,而非利用迷茫、软弱与依赖。那些以“出家是最大福报”为口号、诱导脆弱者剃度的法师,实则是在用慈悲的语言掩饰对人性的剥夺。 这是最危险的“伪善”——它不像强权那样直接打压人的意志,而是以“为了你好”的姿态,掏空人的自主性。这种逻辑与世俗中的控制欲并无二致,只不过披上了宗教的外衣。 一旦宗教沦为控制机制,它就不再是信仰,而是一种精神殖民。 如果“得道”的代价是断绝情感、放弃家庭、脱离人群,而不是在红尘中自我成长、自我承担,那这条“道”是否真的值得走?我们应该警惕,那些自称“带你出苦海”的人,可能正是将你带入另一个深渊的人。 九、出路何在:重建人性与社会的温度 我们不能仅仅批判问题,而要思考出路。 第一,社会层面应加强对个体精神健康与情感支持系统的建设,提供真正温暖的社群空间,尤其对女性,建立不以外貌和财富为唯一判断标准的尊重机制。 […]

养蛊式育儿:当母亲的爱裹着痛

Daohe · Mar 31, 2025

本文写给那些从未被温柔以待,却拼尽全力去爱的人 世俗常把母亲定义为“无私、伟大、温暖”的代名词,仿佛母性是与生俱来的天赋,是理所应当的风险。然而,母亲这一角色常常并非出于自愿的选择,且带来长久的束缚和身体的痛苦。 对一些女性而言,她们童年曾深陷精神虐待的深渊,被语言贬低、情绪操控、或是人格剥夺。自己尚未获得过完整之爱,就成为了母亲,被推向育儿的重责。 当她们成为母亲,创伤往往以新的方式延续:她们或严厉控制孩子,或情感过度依赖,或在羞辱与溺爱之间反复游走。 这种“以痛养爱”的育儿方式,如“养蛊式育儿”——不是恶意伤害,而是深层未愈的情感毒素在亲子关系中暗流涌动。 但她们不是坏母亲。她们是带着未愈创伤上阵的战士,是在寒夜中独自点火前行的人。我们要问的不是“她们怎么可以这样对孩子”,而是“这个社会为什么如此对待她们?” 一、养蛊式育儿:旧伤未平,新伤又起 精神虐待是一种无声的暴力,带来的后果却旷日持久。其形式可以是: 这种精神虐待往往来源于不健康的亲子关系或伴侣关系。被精神虐待过的女性,往往从小缺乏被爱护和尊重的体验。 由于习以为常,她们未曾真正体验健康的爱,却误以为这种关系模式是“正常的”。这导致她们在人格结构中形成深刻的扭曲认知:控制意味着安全,屈从象征关爱,牺牲才有价值。 当她们成为母亲,这些内在结构被唤醒。于是我们看到: 这不是育儿,是“精神遗毒”的代际转移。孩子成了创伤的延续。 二、为什么会有“高压母亲”? “养蛊式母亲”现象不是个别人的问题,而是社会制度的忽视和文化观念的产物。它源于传统家庭权力结构的不平衡、对母职的过度剥削,以及女性在社会中长期被边缘化的现象。 1. 家庭里的压迫模式 在许多传统家庭中,女性往往承担着情绪支持和育儿的主要责任,但她们的情感需求和精神状态却容易被忽视。她们被期待着温柔、隐忍、无私付出,而这些付出常常被视为理所当然,甚至很少被真正认可或回应。 除此之外,婚姻中的女性还常常面临伴侣在育儿中的缺位,俗称“丧偶式育儿”。这种育儿方式使母亲成为孩子唯一的主要照护者,而父亲则游离于家庭教育之外,缺乏对孩子成长的深入了解和情感连接。 另一方面,这种育儿方式也常常导致孩子过早承担母亲的情感需求,形成取悦型人格,甚至在未来的关系中倾向于自我牺牲来满足他人的需求。 2. “母爱神话”的道德绑架 社会把“母爱”塑造成毫无保留的牺牲,把女人推上“圣母”位置。一旦她们情绪崩溃、孩子管不住,就会遭到冷嘲热讽,甚至被指责“不配当妈”。 这种羞辱和道德绑架让女性更加不敢表达自己的痛苦,可压抑的情绪不会凭空消失,只会在无处宣泄的情况下逐渐积累,最终可能演变为长期的抑郁、焦虑,甚至在某个崩溃的瞬间,以愤怒、暴躁或冷漠的方式反映在孩子身上。 3. 公共支持系统的缺失 在许多社会结构和文化规范的影响下,母亲们面临着广泛而系统性的支持缺失,使得她们在“母职压力”下被孤立,并遭受多重“母职惩罚”: 结果就是——她们生完孩子后,生活质量直线下降,痛苦不为人所知,也无从疏解,最终只能发泄在孩子身上,直接影响到孩子的成长环境。 三、被误解的母亲:伤害的背后是无声的求救 “养蛊式母亲”并非缺乏对孩子的爱,恰恰相反,她们的爱很深沉,却包裹着焦虑和未被治愈的痛苦与恐惧。 这种母爱不单纯是温暖的拥抱,更是一种在压力与痛苦中不断挣扎的表现。她们曾经努力过,试图成为一位理想的母亲。 她们可能翻阅无数育儿书籍,追寻网络上的育儿理念,告诫自己“不可以发火”,但却因为自己的情绪失控而陷入更深的自责。 然而,在一个缺乏支持与疗愈的社会环境中,许多人最终只能勉力支撑,最终将自己未曾疗愈的情感压抑、羞辱和控制的方式不自觉地转嫁到孩子身上。这样的母亲并不是因为缺乏爱,而是因为她们从未得到过足够的理解与关怀,甚至没有合适的途径来疗愈自己的创伤。 因此,我们需要改变对这种现象的视角——从单纯的“她怎么会这样”转向“她经历过什么”。只有理解她们背后的痛苦与无奈,才能真正看见她们在这场育儿战争中的艰难与努力。 四、疗愈母亲的心伤,才能健康育儿 疗愈母亲的心伤需要多层次的支持,包括心理层面的自我修复、家庭内部的责任调整、社会文化的改变,以及公共资源的完善。 1. 成为母亲前的情感准备 社会应推动女性育前心理评估机制,鼓励婚姻辅导与情绪教育。女性在成为母亲前,应被引导正视自己的家庭创伤、情绪模式与依恋类型。 2. 家庭责任的再分配 许多母亲的压力来自“丧偶式育儿”,即伴侣失职,让母亲独自承担育儿和家务责任。因此,重新分配家庭责任是关键。 鼓励男性参与育儿。不仅仅是让男性“帮忙”,而是让他们理解“育儿是父母双方的责任”,通过社会宣传、政策激励(如父亲产假)等方式推动这一转变。 3. 构建女性精神支持网络 建立女性互助小组、创伤疗愈团体,提供低成本、去污名化的情绪出口。 设立专门的母婴心理咨询服务,提供低成本甚至免费的心理疏导,让母亲在情绪困境中有人倾诉。 4. 社会层面的认知更新 让女性更加了解生育与养育的真相,做好相关教育。 打破“完美母亲”的文化幻觉,允许母亲出错、崩溃与重建。 改变媒体叙事,从“母亲神话”转向“母亲真实”。 5. 完善公共支持体系 政府和社会应投入更多资源建设托育机构,减轻母亲全天候照顾孩子的负担。 设立专门的母婴心理咨询服务,提供低成本甚至免费的心理疏导,让母亲在情绪困境中有人倾诉。 […]

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