Love Never Fades— We are the Ones Who Drift Away

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Kishou · Nov 6, 2024
Though love is considered part of human nature, many people question or deny its existence because of past traumas or an absence of love in their lives. However, the real problem lies in their inner disconnection from love. Rebuilding trust in love and cultivating self-love are crucial to overcoming loneliness and rediscovering the warmth and truth of love.

While some view love as an intrinsic human quality, the soul’s warmest refuge, others are deeply skeptical of its existence, even outright denying it. They argue that there is no love in the world, or that love is nothing more than an illusion or a tool for survival.

These beliefs are not so much a result of them having seen through love, but rather that, deep within, they have been cast aside by their own love—or more accurately, they have become disconnected from love.

 

I. Skepticism Toward Love: What Causes It?”

People often doubt or stop believing in love due to past experiences, particularly those marked by betrayal or disappointment. After being hurt, they build emotional walls to shield themselves from pain. For example, some people have given their love wholeheartedly, only to be betrayed, ignored, or harmed. Fear of further hurt leads them to reject love as a form of self-protection.

For some, a lack of love in childhood—due to cold families, harsh environments, or a lack of care—leaves them with no real understanding of love. It feels foreign and even luxurious to them, as they’ve never experienced it. Love becomes an abstract ideal—something they’ve never known, not a tangible emotional bond they can believe in.

 

The Absence of Self-Love: The Suffering of Self-Abandonment

Being abandoned by one’s own love means not only losing external affection but also losing self-love, which is especially common among those who constantly self-deny and feel inner loneliness. Self-love is essential for happiness and security, but when someone feels worthless or rejects their own being, they fall into an emotional void. This self-abandonment makes it hard for them to trust love, as their lack of self-love leads them to believe no one can truly love them.

Being abandoned by one’s own love is like wandering in a barren desert, with no warmth or comfort to be found. Such people tend to become distant, withdrawn, and skeptical of all emotional connections. They perceive love as a fantasy because they have never truly experienced it, and this emotional deprivation is rooted in their disconnection from the love deep within themselves.

 

Re-embracing Love: Rebuilding Inner Love and Trust

or those who do not believe in love or no longer love themselves, re-embracing love is a difficult but essential journey. It is not about seeking external validation, but about starting from within—relearning and understanding love, ultimately accepting both self-love and love from the world.

1. Healing Past Wounds: To restore trust in love, healing past hurts is essential. Those who have been hurt need to take the time to face their wounds and let go of inner pain. This journey may need the support of others or professional help, but as they start to heal, their barriers and doubts will begin to diminish.

2. Learning to Love Oneself: To love others, one must first learn to accept and appreciate oneself. Loving oneself involves self-compassion, acknowledging emotional needs, and giving oneself understanding. A person who truly practices self-love can cultivate the capacity to give and receive love.

3. Opening the Heart to Receive Love: Long-term isolation can lead to loneliness, indifference, and even a loss of sensitivity to love. Opening up courageously gives others a chance to show love, and it also gives oneself the chance to experience love once more.

4. Cultivating a Love for Life: Love extends beyond relationships to include a deep appreciation for life itself. Developing interests, enjoying nature, and engaging in beauty can help build a genuine love for life. In time, this warmth can break down inner barriers, allowing a renewed sense of love to emerge.

4. Love Brings Wholeness

When someone reconnects with love, they realize it was never truly absent. Love is not just emotional exchange, but a source of comfort and strength. Rediscovering love brings hope, warmth, and purpose. By believing in and embracing love, including self-love, a person moves from loneliness to a heart full of life and warmth.

For those who have lost trust in love and abandoned themselves, starting with self-acceptance and learning to understand and embrace love again will help them realize that love completes them, guiding them out of the emptiness of living without love, and bringing true inner peace and fulfillment.

Love is not a fragile emotion or an unattainable ideal, but a deep and real presence. When someone reopens to love, it becomes like a warm light, illuminating the darkness within and dispelling long-held shadows. In this light, people can see themselves more clearly, confront wounds and vulnerabilities they once avoided, and recognize the possibility of healing and hope for the future.

 

Conclusion: Reclaiming Love, Returning to Self

Some people do not believe in the existence of love, thinking they no longer need it. In reality, they have simply been abandoned by the love within themselves and disconnected from their true self.

To break free from this loveless predicament, one must start from the heart, rediscover the ability to love oneself, trust others, and embrace life. Only then can they reconnect with the love deep within, experiencing the warmth and strength it brings. When love is no longer an illusion but a tangible part of life, they will realize that love has always been within them—it never truly left.

Perhaps, on the journey of life, we all need to reconnect with love. For only love can make our lives whole and meaningful; only love can free us from loneliness. May those who have once felt abandoned by their own love find its source again deep within, embrace love and warmth, and move toward their true selves, walking the path of a fulfilled life.

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空性是什么?从空智与达摩祖师的对话说起

Master Wonder · Feb 12, 2025

在《达摩传》中,有这样一则意味深长的片段。 一日,僧人空智来到少林寺,恭敬地向达摩祖师顶礼,并请教佛法的空性。他拱手问道: “大师是达摩祖师吧?贫僧空智,对佛法的理解尚浅,愿请大师指点。心、佛以及众生,三者皆空。现象的执性亦是空,无圣无凡,无施无受,无善无恶,一切皆空。这般见解,可对?” 达摩静静地看着他,忽然伸手,在他头上重重敲了一下。空智被打得生疼,立刻皱眉道:“大师,你为什么打人?” 达摩微微一笑,淡然说道:“你既然说一切皆空,那何来痛苦?” 空智愣住,陷入沉思。片刻后,他喃喃道:“既然一切皆空,为何我仍然感到疼痛?若连痛苦都不能超越,这‘空’又有何意义?” 达摩缓缓说道:“看那看不到的东西,听那听不到的声音,知那不知的事物,才是真理。” 空智顿时领悟,合十叩拜。 何为“空”? 空智之所以困惑,是因为他落入了“理空”的执着。所谓“理空”,是从概念上理解空性,而未能亲证。 当他说“一切皆空”时,他所理解的“空”仍停留在语言之中,停留在“否定有”的层面。因此,当痛觉袭来,他的心识立刻生起“痛”的分别,反映出他的“空”并未真正落实。 “空”不是虚无,而是“无自性”。 佛法中的“空”并不等于虚无,而是指诸法无自性。世界上的一切事物,包括心、佛、众生,并非独立存在,而是相互依存、因缘和合之生灭显现。因此,所谓的“痛”也并非绝对存在,而是缘起而生。若执着“痛”为实有,则堕入实有论;若执着“痛”为虚无,则落入顽空论。 达摩的痛击,正是要破除空智的顽空见,令他直面自身的执着。真正的“空”并非否定“痛”的存在,而是超越“痛”所带来的分别。若能见到“痛”无自性,则“痛”即不碍“空”,“空”亦不碍“痛”。 “空”是一种超越对立二元的智慧 达摩所言:“看那看不到的东西,听那听不到的声音,知那不知的事物。”这一番话正是指向空性之实相。 “空”即自在,随缘不执 空智之“空”是消极的,他以为空性是否定一切的多元性。只要在概念上否定“我是我”,“痛不是痛”,就是契入空性。 然而,真正的空是超越、是圆融,是“无碍”的智慧。它不否定世间法,而是于世间法中自在无碍。就如同我是父亲,可我还可以是男人,老板、牧师、教师等等,这一切的身份和社会关系并不会束缚我。 譬如水,无形无相,因器成形,随缘而变。这正是“空”之妙用——它不是破坏存在,而是让存在不受束缚。 当空智执着于“无圣无凡、无善无恶”,他仍未超越对立。真正的“空”并不是去否定善恶,而是了知善恶皆缘起无自性,在缘起中自如行持。 正如六祖惠能所言:“前念不生即心,后念不灭即佛。”念起即随,念灭不留,即是随缘不执,空而不空。 达摩的一击,是慈悲的棒喝 达摩这一击,是顿悟之机,是破除概念之障。空智若仅停留在理论上探讨空性,便始终无法超越。唯有当他真正直面自心,感受“痛”之生灭,才能了知“空”不碍“痛”,“痛”亦即是“空”。 这正是禅门直指人心的风格——不落言诠,直入本源。若执着“空”而拒绝现象,便落入偏见;若执着“有”而迷失本性,亦是妄念。唯有“空”与“有”双融,才能真正契入佛法的智慧。 正如《心经》所言:“色即是空,空即是色。” 再谈达摩这一击,是禅门棒喝,是不假言辞的直接点悟。空智因痛而惊,显然,他的“空”仍停留在概念之中,未能真正超越世俗分别。这一击,让他不得不重新思考:“何谓空?为何痛?如果一切皆空,为何我仍在执着?” 空并非虚无,而是无自性 佛法所言的“空”,并不是对一切的否定,也不是单纯的“无”。若将空理解为“什么都不存在”,便堕入“断灭空”,此非正见。真正的空,是“无自性”——世间一切事物皆因缘和合而生,无独立不变的本体。 譬如水,若无风,它静如明镜;若风起,它便波涛汹涌。水的“相”在变,但水的“本质”却从未消失。世间万象皆如是——它们是暂时的显现,而非绝对的存在。 空智的错误,在于他仅仅停留在否定层面,以为“一切皆空”就是不承认圣凡、善恶、施受。然而,真正的空,不是去“否定”这些现象,而是超越对它们的执着。达摩这一击,便是要让空智看到,他所说的“空”并未真正融入自心。 在这里说明一下,空智、达摩与佛陀,无二无别,切不可认为空智修行低,而达摩就高,不要让相法迷惑自己的自性圆融无碍。 空的两重境界:理空与证空 1. 理空——概念上的理解 这是初学者常见的阶段,以思辨的方式去理解空性。例如,空智所言的“无圣无凡,无施无受,无善无恶”,正是典型的“理空”——从理论上否定对立,认为万法皆空。 然而,光靠概念无法破除执着。达摩之所以一击,是因为空智仍在“理”上,而未能亲身体验“空”。如果空智真的证悟空性,他即使感知到痛,也不会生起对痛的执着,更不会质问达摩“你为何打我?” 2. 证空——超越概念的直接体验 证空,并不是通过逻辑推演得出的结论,而是通过直观的觉悟——直接体认到“痛亦是空,空不碍痛”。换句话说,不是去否定痛的存在,而是从中看到痛的无自性、不可得。 证悟空性的境界,犹如镜子——它照见一切,但不执著于所映之像。圣人、凡夫,善恶、施受,皆如水中月、镜中花,有因缘便现,因缘灭则不留痕迹。 比如,想象你在一场暴风雨中行走,雨水拍打在你脸上,寒冷刺骨,然而你并不因此生气或痛苦。你知道,这场风雨只是暂时的,终会过去。你不再执着于那股冷风和雨水,而是安然接受它们的存在,感知它们的瞬息万变。 世间的是非、苦乐,不过是幻影,终将过去。若执着于这些,就如同在水上写字,终究徒劳无功。 达摩所言:看、听、知的真正含义 达摩最后说道:“看那看不到的东西,听那听不到的声音,知那不知的事物,才是真理。”这句话,正是对“空”最深刻的阐释。 在《维摩诘经》中,文殊菩萨问众菩萨:“如何入不二法门?”众菩萨各自回答,皆未彻底。最后,维摩诘默然不语。文殊叹道:“是乃真入不二法门。” 不落言说,才是究竟。不以分别心求空,而是自然安住于空,这才是“看、听、知”的真实境界。 如何践行空性? 佛法讲空,不是让人逃避现实,而是让人超越现实的束缚,活得更自在、圆融。真正的空性,是让人在生活中随缘而行,却不被境遇所困。《般若波罗蜜多心经》就是这样的书籍,让心灵觉悟,自性自觉。 1. 生活中的“空” 空,并不意味着消极无为,而是随缘不执。 面对困境时,若能看到“一切无自性,终归变化”,便能不沉溺于烦恼之中。 当有人批评你、欺骗你、误解你时,不执著于这些现象,你就不会生嗔恨心,亦不会因其而痛苦。 2. […]

The soul falls through ignorance, character through selfishness

Master Wonder · Feb 11, 2025

The Shared Origin of All Faiths is not just a theory but a path of cultivation and practice. Human growth is a process of awakening and a refinement of character. The soul descends into darkness through ignorance, while character erodes through selfishness. Ignorance is the absence of truth, a loss of clarity, while selfishness is […]

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