Love Never Fades— We are the Ones Who Drift Away

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Kishou · Nov 6, 2024
Though love is considered part of human nature, many people question or deny its existence because of past traumas or an absence of love in their lives. However, the real problem lies in their inner disconnection from love. Rebuilding trust in love and cultivating self-love are crucial to overcoming loneliness and rediscovering the warmth and truth of love.

While some view love as an intrinsic human quality, the soul’s warmest refuge, others are deeply skeptical of its existence, even outright denying it. They argue that there is no love in the world, or that love is nothing more than an illusion or a tool for survival.

These beliefs are not so much a result of them having seen through love, but rather that, deep within, they have been cast aside by their own love—or more accurately, they have become disconnected from love.

 

I. Skepticism Toward Love: What Causes It?”

People often doubt or stop believing in love due to past experiences, particularly those marked by betrayal or disappointment. After being hurt, they build emotional walls to shield themselves from pain. For example, some people have given their love wholeheartedly, only to be betrayed, ignored, or harmed. Fear of further hurt leads them to reject love as a form of self-protection.

For some, a lack of love in childhood—due to cold families, harsh environments, or a lack of care—leaves them with no real understanding of love. It feels foreign and even luxurious to them, as they’ve never experienced it. Love becomes an abstract ideal—something they’ve never known, not a tangible emotional bond they can believe in.

 

The Absence of Self-Love: The Suffering of Self-Abandonment

Being abandoned by one’s own love means not only losing external affection but also losing self-love, which is especially common among those who constantly self-deny and feel inner loneliness. Self-love is essential for happiness and security, but when someone feels worthless or rejects their own being, they fall into an emotional void. This self-abandonment makes it hard for them to trust love, as their lack of self-love leads them to believe no one can truly love them.

Being abandoned by one’s own love is like wandering in a barren desert, with no warmth or comfort to be found. Such people tend to become distant, withdrawn, and skeptical of all emotional connections. They perceive love as a fantasy because they have never truly experienced it, and this emotional deprivation is rooted in their disconnection from the love deep within themselves.

 

Re-embracing Love: Rebuilding Inner Love and Trust

or those who do not believe in love or no longer love themselves, re-embracing love is a difficult but essential journey. It is not about seeking external validation, but about starting from within—relearning and understanding love, ultimately accepting both self-love and love from the world.

1. Healing Past Wounds: To restore trust in love, healing past hurts is essential. Those who have been hurt need to take the time to face their wounds and let go of inner pain. This journey may need the support of others or professional help, but as they start to heal, their barriers and doubts will begin to diminish.

2. Learning to Love Oneself: To love others, one must first learn to accept and appreciate oneself. Loving oneself involves self-compassion, acknowledging emotional needs, and giving oneself understanding. A person who truly practices self-love can cultivate the capacity to give and receive love.

3. Opening the Heart to Receive Love: Long-term isolation can lead to loneliness, indifference, and even a loss of sensitivity to love. Opening up courageously gives others a chance to show love, and it also gives oneself the chance to experience love once more.

4. Cultivating a Love for Life: Love extends beyond relationships to include a deep appreciation for life itself. Developing interests, enjoying nature, and engaging in beauty can help build a genuine love for life. In time, this warmth can break down inner barriers, allowing a renewed sense of love to emerge.

4. Love Brings Wholeness

When someone reconnects with love, they realize it was never truly absent. Love is not just emotional exchange, but a source of comfort and strength. Rediscovering love brings hope, warmth, and purpose. By believing in and embracing love, including self-love, a person moves from loneliness to a heart full of life and warmth.

For those who have lost trust in love and abandoned themselves, starting with self-acceptance and learning to understand and embrace love again will help them realize that love completes them, guiding them out of the emptiness of living without love, and bringing true inner peace and fulfillment.

Love is not a fragile emotion or an unattainable ideal, but a deep and real presence. When someone reopens to love, it becomes like a warm light, illuminating the darkness within and dispelling long-held shadows. In this light, people can see themselves more clearly, confront wounds and vulnerabilities they once avoided, and recognize the possibility of healing and hope for the future.

 

Conclusion: Reclaiming Love, Returning to Self

Some people do not believe in the existence of love, thinking they no longer need it. In reality, they have simply been abandoned by the love within themselves and disconnected from their true self.

To break free from this loveless predicament, one must start from the heart, rediscover the ability to love oneself, trust others, and embrace life. Only then can they reconnect with the love deep within, experiencing the warmth and strength it brings. When love is no longer an illusion but a tangible part of life, they will realize that love has always been within them—it never truly left.

Perhaps, on the journey of life, we all need to reconnect with love. For only love can make our lives whole and meaningful; only love can free us from loneliness. May those who have once felt abandoned by their own love find its source again deep within, embrace love and warmth, and move toward their true selves, walking the path of a fulfilled life.

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Growth Mindset: Why It Matters and How to Develop It

Growth Mindset: Why It Matters and How to Develop It

Daohe · Mar 25, 2025

Two Roads for One Pair of Legs: Choosing Between Fixed and Growth Mindsets The way people perceive the world shapes their growth and life path, especially when they encounter difficulties, failures, and challenges. Different mindsets lead to distinct outcomes. No matter where you start or how talented you are, having a growth mindset keeps you […]

思维决定人生成败:成长性思维VS固化思维

Daohe · Mar 25, 2025

一双腿的两种行径 人们对世界的认知方式很大程度影响了他们的成长轨迹和人生道路,尤其是当人们面对困难、失败与挑战的时候,不同思维导向的道路截然不同。 哪怕一个人天资平平,起点不高,只要他拥有成长性思维,他就总是在思考和进取,走在成功的道路上。反之,固化思维带来的结果则可能是灾难性的,对于个人的成长和社会的进步毫无帮助,是我们需要摒弃的一种思维。 一、什么是成长性思维? 成长性思维(Growth Mindset)是一种相信能力和智慧可以通过努力、学习和坚持不断提升的思维方式。拥有这种思维的人会积极面对挑战,将失败视为成长的机会,并不断寻求自我突破。 不仅如此,拥有成长性思维的人往往会选择开放与包容,更倾向于信任与合作。这是为什么呢? 成长性思维的根本来源是互爱和开放精神。真正的成长需要包容、多元化的视角和对他人的理解,而这些特质都建立在互爱的基础上。 当人们关心彼此,他们会创造一个自由交流思想的环境,在这个环境里,错误不是失败,而是学习的契机,个体也会更愿意冒险尝试。互爱促使人们尊重不同观点、倾听他人意见,并保持持续学习的心态,这些都是成长性思维的核心。 另外,基于现实的乐观精神也是成长性思维的重要组成部分。在保持积极态度的同时,客观看待现实,避免盲目高估自己。能做到这一点,人们就更有可能通过努力、策略、专注和坚持去应对挑战,变得更加坚韧。 二、成长性思维 VS 固化思维 有固化思维(Fixed Mindset)的人则是认为智力和能力是有限的,无法通过努力显著提升。面对挑战时,他们往往感到沮丧,比如认为自己“能力差”或者“愚蠢”,因此更倾向于逃避或者放弃。 他们害怕失去,不敢尝试,抗拒反馈。他们倾向于并将失败视为自身能力不足的证明,而非成长的机会。 固化思维的本质来源于恐惧与傲慢。恐惧让人们害怕失败,担心失败会暴露自己的弱点,因此他们往往选择待在舒适区,不敢尝试新的挑战。 与此同时,傲慢让人们认为自己天生优越,因此不愿意承认错误,也不愿意接受新知识。如果一个人坚信自己已经比别人更优秀,他们就会拒绝改变,因为改变意味着他们需要重新审视自己,甚至可能推翻过去的认知。 恐惧和傲慢的结合,会让人停滞不前。有人害怕被证明是错的,所以拒绝接受新观点;有人自视甚高,不愿接受批评,也不愿意承认自己需要成长。久而久之,这种思维不仅会让个体失去进步的机会,也会阻碍他们在社会和职业中的长远发展。 成长性思维与固化思维的区别在于: 三、成长性思维为什么重要? 成长性思维对学习、事业成功和心理健康都有深远影响。 心理学家卡罗尔·德韦克(Carol Dweck)的研究表明,拥有成长性思维的学生更愿意接受挑战,在困难面前更具韧性,并最终取得更好的学术成绩。此外,神经科学的研究也证实了大脑的可塑性——人的智能和技能是可以持续发展的。 在教育之外,成长性思维还能增强适应能力和抗压能力。在不断变化的世界里,那些愿意接受挑战,并把挫折当作学习机会的人,更能适应不确定性。 此外,成长性思维还可以降低焦虑和抑郁的风险,因为它让人们不再把自己定义为“失败者”,而是专注于如何从失败中成长。 成长性思维和固化思维不止存在于个体身上,同样的逻辑也适用于地区和社会的发展。不难发现,越是排外的地方,人们的思想更偏向于固化和落后。而大城市往往是包容之地,不同群体的加入、不同观点的碰撞让一切更加欣欣向荣。 三、如何培养成长性思维? 很少有人天生具有成长性思维,主要来自于后天的环境引导和自我反思——这意味着每个人都能培养出成长性思维。 那么应该从何开始呢? 我们可以从觉察自己的思维模式开始: 如果你在以上的问题中,都选择了前者,说明你正在受固化思维的影响。 好消息是,你也可以通过觉察与训练,逐步让自己打破思维的局限性,而主动调整和重新选择自己的方向。 觉察到了自己的思维模式,你会意识到,自己可以做出更好的选择。对过去的反思将成为持续成长的肥料。 这需要长期的努力。最重要的是,每个人都应该拥抱自己内心的爱,让积极和热爱驱动自身能力与事业的成长。 假如你是一个教育工作者,你应该如何培养学生的成长性思维呢? 教师的语言和给予学生的表扬方式对学生有潜移默化的影响。直至今天,我依然常常听到不当的指导语言,这些话在伤害孩子的思维发展和感情,很多老师对此却缺乏明确的认识。 以下是一些培养学生成长性思维的教学策略: 培养成长性思维是一个长期的过程。成长型思维原则应当融入所有科目和课程,帮助学生在各个层面鼓励积极的自我对话和基于努力的表扬。 通过培养成长性思维,人们可以在学习、事业和生活中实现更大的突破,并获得更充实的体验。互爱、开放、勇于尝试和坚持学习的态度,能帮助我们真正解锁自身潜力,让人生走向更广阔的未来。

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